2259 lines
37 KiB
Plaintext
2259 lines
37 KiB
Plaintext
1
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00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:12,095
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{\an8}<i>My name is Frank.</i>
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2
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00:00:12,721 --> 00:00:17,684
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{\an8}<i>I've had a great life, a family,</i>
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<i>lots of friends, adventures,</i>
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3
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00:00:18,185 --> 00:00:20,145
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<i>but I'm ready for a change.</i>
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4
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00:00:20,229 --> 00:00:22,898
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<i>One last shot at finding true love.</i>
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5
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00:00:24,233 --> 00:00:25,484
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I'm hoping this is it.
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6
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00:00:32,991 --> 00:00:34,368
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{\an8}[audience cheering]
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7
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00:00:34,451 --> 00:00:36,828
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{\an8}Thank you. Hi.
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8
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00:00:40,666 --> 00:00:42,209
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{\an8}Thank you so much. Thank you.
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9
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00:00:44,169 --> 00:00:45,879
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Thank you and good evening,
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<i>Bachelor</i> nation.
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10
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00:00:45,963 --> 00:00:50,968
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{\an8}I'm Jesse Palmer, and welcome to
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<i>The Golden Bachelor </i>season finale.
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11
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00:00:53,095 --> 00:00:56,056
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{\an8}Of course we are coming to you live
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from Los Angeles
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12
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00:00:56,139 --> 00:01:00,143
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{\an8}as Frank's journey to find the love of
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his life comes to a dramatic conclusion.
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13
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00:01:00,227 --> 00:01:03,772
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{\an8}Now admittedly,
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the crew nor the producers were prepared
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14
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00:01:03,855 --> 00:01:08,610
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{\an8}to host a Bachelor as eccentric
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as Frank Reynolds.
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15
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00:01:08,694 --> 00:01:11,738
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{\an8}In fact, this is the first season
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in <i>Bachelor</i> history
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16
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00:01:11,822 --> 00:01:14,283
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{\an8}where we considered ending
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the entire franchise altogether.
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17
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00:01:14,783 --> 00:01:19,246
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{\an8}But, boy, are we glad we didn't,
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because Frank captured our hearts,
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18
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00:01:19,329 --> 00:01:21,373
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{\an8}and tonight is the moment
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we've all been waiting for.
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19
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00:01:21,456 --> 00:01:23,792
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{\an8}Will Frank find true love again?
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20
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00:01:23,875 --> 00:01:26,712
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{\an8}All I can say is that you'll have
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to see it to believe it.
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21
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00:01:26,795 --> 00:01:28,547
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{\an8}So let's take a look back
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at the season's highlights
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22
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00:01:28,630 --> 00:01:31,174
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{\an8}where Frank started
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in a very different place
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23
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00:01:31,258 --> 00:01:32,593
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than where we find him today.
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24
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00:01:32,676 --> 00:01:33,677
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[audience cheer]
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25
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00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:35,304
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<i>Let's get this show on the road.</i>
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26
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00:01:35,387 --> 00:01:41,059
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Can't wait to find a Grade A,
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prime cut piece of ****.
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27
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00:01:41,685 --> 00:01:42,686
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To love.
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28
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00:01:42,769 --> 00:01:47,190
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Frank, admittedly, was a little rougher
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around the edges than we're accustomed to.
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29
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00:01:51,695 --> 00:01:55,907
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[laughs] All right,
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so where are all the broads?
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30
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00:01:55,991 --> 00:01:57,200
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I dropped a couple of blueys.
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31
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00:01:57,284 --> 00:02:02,039
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This baby's got about a half hour
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to perform like, pew,
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32
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00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:03,832
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and then that's it. So, let's hurry up.
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33
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00:02:03,915 --> 00:02:07,586
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-Okay, the first car is arriving now.
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-Okay, all right, good. The first car.
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34
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00:02:07,669 --> 00:02:09,171
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Oh, my God, I'm getting a chubby.
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35
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00:02:09,671 --> 00:02:11,673
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Look at this. Mmm, mmm, mmm.
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36
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00:02:11,757 --> 00:02:14,760
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Ooh. Here it comes. I'm anticipating this…
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37
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00:02:15,636 --> 00:02:17,763
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Oh, let's see, yeah.
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38
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00:02:20,807 --> 00:02:23,685
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{\an8}-Uh, nope.
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-Excuse me?
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39
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00:02:23,769 --> 00:02:25,812
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-No. No. Nope.
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-[Jesse] Frank, Frank.
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40
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00:02:25,896 --> 00:02:27,606
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[Frank] Pass, pass, pass, it's a pass.
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41
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00:02:27,689 --> 00:02:30,025
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You can walk by. You can keep on going.
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42
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00:02:30,108 --> 00:02:32,110
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Just walk on by. That's it.
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43
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00:02:32,194 --> 00:02:35,364
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Next, next, next. Bring the next one in.
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44
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00:02:38,116 --> 00:02:39,409
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-Uh-uh.
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-Frank.
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45
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00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:41,411
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No, no. Absolutely not.
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46
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00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:43,872
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No, no. Pass on. Next.
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Let's go to the next one.
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47
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00:02:43,955 --> 00:02:45,791
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Next one, this is not working out.
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What's going on?
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48
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00:02:45,874 --> 00:02:48,168
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Frank, there's a time for this.
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It's just not right now.
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49
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00:02:48,251 --> 00:02:50,462
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All right, bring the next one on,
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bring the next one on.
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50
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00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:55,133
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{\an8}I'm starting to get nervous.
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What do we got?
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51
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00:02:57,636 --> 00:02:59,137
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Holy… Oh…
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52
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00:02:59,930 --> 00:03:02,557
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No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
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53
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00:03:02,641 --> 00:03:04,976
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No, pass, pass, pass.
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54
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00:03:05,060 --> 00:03:07,145
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Are all these whores gonna be this old?
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55
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00:03:07,229 --> 00:03:10,565
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Why did I do this?
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I don't know what's the matter with me.
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56
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00:03:10,649 --> 00:03:12,818
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What the **** did I do?
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57
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00:03:12,901 --> 00:03:16,363
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Everyone that got out of the car,
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I mean, they were, like, crackling.
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58
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00:03:16,446 --> 00:03:18,615
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I mean, you could hear
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their **** crackling.
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59
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00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:20,200
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[imitates cracking]
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60
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00:03:20,283 --> 00:03:22,244
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-It was like, just, old meat.
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-Frank,
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61
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00:03:22,327 --> 00:03:24,121
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honestly, you didn't understand
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the premise of this show?
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62
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00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:26,164
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Well, I knew there would be
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a couple of duds,
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63
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00:03:26,248 --> 00:03:29,960
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but I thought you Hollywood people
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were all about diversity.
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64
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00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:31,837
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Well, there's gonna be women
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of every ethnicity here.
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65
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00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:34,381
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Age. Diversity of age.
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66
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00:03:34,464 --> 00:03:37,843
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Frank, the show's called
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<i>The Golden Bachelor</i>.
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67
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00:03:37,926 --> 00:03:39,636
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[stammers] <i>Golden Bachelor</i>, my ****.
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68
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00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:41,179
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I'm **** out of here
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69
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00:03:41,263 --> 00:03:44,141
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unless I find something
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coming out of that car that I like.
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70
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00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:45,684
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[scoffs] You gotta do something.
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71
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00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,270
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-You ever watch TikTok?
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-Yeah, of course.
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72
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00:03:48,353 --> 00:03:50,981
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Well, you ever…
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you ever hear of Cock Chewa?
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73
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00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:52,065
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-Cock Chewa?
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-Cock Chewa…
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74
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00:03:52,149 --> 00:03:54,651
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[Jesse] <i>And so in a series</i>
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<i>of Golden Bachelor firsts,</i>
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75
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00:03:54,734 --> 00:03:57,362
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we caved into Frank's demands.
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76
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00:03:57,446 --> 00:03:59,948
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<i>I saw this trash on TikTok.</i>
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77
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00:04:00,031 --> 00:04:01,825
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Her name was Cock Chewa.
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78
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00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:06,413
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Her catchphrase was, "Chew on that thang."
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79
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00:04:06,496 --> 00:04:07,664
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I had to have her.
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80
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00:04:07,747 --> 00:04:10,000
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My heart's beating a mile a minute.
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81
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00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:11,293
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Let's see what happens.
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82
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00:04:13,837 --> 00:04:16,840
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Oh, oh, oh.
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83
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00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:19,968
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What's coming out? [gasps]
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84
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00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:23,680
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Oh! It's her.
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That's her. [giggles] That's her!
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85
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00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:25,891
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{\an8}-Hey, y'all! [laughs]
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-[Frank laughs]
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86
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00:04:25,974 --> 00:04:28,435
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{\an8}-Chew on that thang.
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-Chew on that thang!
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87
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00:04:28,518 --> 00:04:30,729
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-Chew on that thang.
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-[Frank] Okay. She's it. She's the one.
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88
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00:04:30,812 --> 00:04:31,897
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-Wait, what? What?
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-[Frank] I picked her.
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89
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00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:33,648
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-Yeah, she's it. Okay, that's it.
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-[Jesse] Wait, what?
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90
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00:04:33,732 --> 00:04:35,650
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-I choose her. Yes.
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-I get paid for this, right?
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91
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00:04:35,734 --> 00:04:37,736
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Yeah, the game's over. We can take her.
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92
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00:04:37,819 --> 00:04:40,280
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No, no, no, Frank.
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It's only the first episode, okay?
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93
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00:04:40,363 --> 00:04:43,450
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We have to go through this whole process,
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otherwise there can't be a show.
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94
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00:04:43,533 --> 00:04:46,661
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-[stammers] All right, well, you get paid.
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-Yeah.
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95
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00:04:46,745 --> 00:04:47,746
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It's the first night,
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96
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00:04:47,829 --> 00:04:50,040
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so you're gonna have
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to wait a little while
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97
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00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:52,751
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-to chew on that thang.
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-Chew on that thang.
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98
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00:04:52,834 --> 00:04:54,795
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-[laughs] Chew on that thang.
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-Okay, let's just keep it moving here.
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99
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00:04:54,878 --> 00:04:57,881
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Oh, baby, am I boned up.
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Okay, here let's go.
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100
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00:04:58,548 --> 00:05:00,258
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Okay. Okay.
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101
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00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:01,843
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All right.
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102
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00:05:01,927 --> 00:05:05,096
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Oops, I thought you said
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we were done with the old ones.
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103
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00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:10,602
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{\an8}Uh, hi. Very nice to see you,
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you know. But no.
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104
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00:05:10,685 --> 00:05:13,271
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-But no. Okay, so anyway, pass.
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-Oh.
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105
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00:05:13,355 --> 00:05:17,776
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But, you know, go on inside and keep warm.
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I'll get you out of here ASAP.
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106
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00:05:17,859 --> 00:05:21,279
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You're kidding me.
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This cretin is the bachelor?
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107
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00:05:21,363 --> 00:05:23,448
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I got better looking boils.
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108
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00:05:23,532 --> 00:05:27,661
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[cackles] That was a good one.
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You got me there. You got me there.
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109
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00:05:27,744 --> 00:05:30,247
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Well, maybe I'll keep this one around
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just to entertain me.
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110
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00:05:30,789 --> 00:05:32,958
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She got me with that… That was very…
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111
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00:05:33,041 --> 00:05:35,460
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She's good.
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Let's lump her in with the other one.
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112
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00:05:35,544 --> 00:05:39,005
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We'll see how it goes.
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That was funny. She was pretty funny.
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113
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00:05:39,631 --> 00:05:43,468
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Oh. Oh. What's this?
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I thought I said no dudes.
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114
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00:05:43,552 --> 00:05:46,012
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Oh, I have an Amazon Prime delivery
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for a, uh, Frank Reynolds.
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115
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00:05:46,096 --> 00:05:47,389
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-Oh, Frank Reynolds, that's me.
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-Okay.
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116
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00:05:47,472 --> 00:05:50,058
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Yeah, that's me.
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Oh, yeah, this… Thank you.
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117
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00:05:50,141 --> 00:05:52,769
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{\an8}Oh, my, my, that was so fast.
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118
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00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:55,814
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{\an8}Amazon Prime deliveries are so fast.
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119
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00:05:55,897 --> 00:05:57,774
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Frank, what are you doing?
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You can't bring your own plugs.
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120
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00:05:57,858 --> 00:06:00,902
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{\an8}Yeah… I… No, we… No plugs.
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Their items are very meaningful to me.
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121
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00:06:00,986 --> 00:06:05,740
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I am fired up about Chewy.
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That's a broad I could spend my life with.
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122
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00:06:05,824 --> 00:06:08,910
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And the other one's good too.
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They both got mouths on 'em.
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123
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00:06:08,994 --> 00:06:11,496
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One's an on-ramp, one's an off-ramp.
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124
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00:06:11,580 --> 00:06:13,498
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I'm leaning toward the 20-year-old.
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125
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00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:15,709
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Since Frank had already chosen
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his final two,
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126
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00:06:15,792 --> 00:06:19,337
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we had to get creative
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with the situations we put them in.
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127
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00:06:20,422 --> 00:06:22,132
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[Frank] So, uh, where you from?
|
|
|
|
128
|
|
00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:23,550
|
|
Gang, gang. [laughs]
|
|
|
|
129
|
|
00:06:24,134 --> 00:06:26,219
|
|
Chew, chew. [gnaws]
|
|
|
|
130
|
|
00:06:26,303 --> 00:06:27,762
|
|
[imitates baby crying]
|
|
|
|
131
|
|
00:06:27,846 --> 00:06:30,265
|
|
Gang, gang. Gang. Gang, gang.
|
|
|
|
132
|
|
00:06:30,348 --> 00:06:32,893
|
|
[blows raspberry] That's a butthole.
|
|
|
|
133
|
|
00:06:32,976 --> 00:06:34,603
|
|
Thank you, y'all. Thank you.
|
|
|
|
134
|
|
00:06:34,686 --> 00:06:36,521
|
|
[stammering] What's that?
|
|
What are you doing?
|
|
|
|
135
|
|
00:06:36,605 --> 00:06:38,231
|
|
I'm making money on a live stream.
|
|
|
|
136
|
|
00:06:38,315 --> 00:06:40,317
|
|
-Huh?
|
|
-Gang, gang. [grunts]
|
|
|
|
137
|
|
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:41,735
|
|
-[imitates dog]
|
|
-You're making…
|
|
|
|
138
|
|
00:06:41,818 --> 00:06:45,030
|
|
-[grunting]
|
|
-So, uh, yeah, yeah, hmm.
|
|
|
|
139
|
|
00:06:45,113 --> 00:06:47,782
|
|
-[blows raspberry]
|
|
-[stammers]
|
|
|
|
140
|
|
00:06:47,866 --> 00:06:49,159
|
|
-Well, what kind of music do you like?
|
|
-Thank you.
|
|
|
|
141
|
|
00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:50,243
|
|
[gnawing]
|
|
|
|
142
|
|
00:06:50,327 --> 00:06:52,329
|
|
[Frank] <i>The conversation</i>
|
|
<i>was a little rough.</i>
|
|
|
|
143
|
|
00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:55,040
|
|
<i>I didn't know what the hell</i>
|
|
<i>she was doing with the phone.</i>
|
|
|
|
144
|
|
00:06:55,123 --> 00:06:58,209
|
|
I guess people pay her
|
|
to respond to emojis?
|
|
|
|
145
|
|
00:06:58,293 --> 00:07:00,086
|
|
I was losing my patience.
|
|
|
|
146
|
|
00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:04,257
|
|
[imitating baby crying] Gang, gang.
|
|
Chew, chew. Chew. [gnaws]
|
|
|
|
147
|
|
00:07:04,341 --> 00:07:06,843
|
|
Look, if we don't bang soon,
|
|
I'm gonna boot you off the show.
|
|
|
|
148
|
|
00:07:09,346 --> 00:07:11,014
|
|
<i>-Well, that worked like a charm.</i>
|
|
-All right.
|
|
|
|
149
|
|
00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:12,849
|
|
[Frank] <i>We banged three times that night.</i>
|
|
|
|
150
|
|
00:07:12,932 --> 00:07:16,436
|
|
And on some kind of
|
|
OnlyFans live stream thing.
|
|
|
|
151
|
|
00:07:16,519 --> 00:07:19,064
|
|
Made 12 grand. It was incredible.
|
|
|
|
152
|
|
00:07:19,147 --> 00:07:21,691
|
|
Except for the chewing. [huffs]
|
|
|
|
153
|
|
00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:23,109
|
|
That was weird as hell.
|
|
|
|
154
|
|
00:07:23,735 --> 00:07:28,782
|
|
I-I thought it was more of a catch phrase
|
|
than an actual method. [gnawing]
|
|
|
|
155
|
|
00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:36,790
|
|
Where the **** is he?
|
|
|
|
156
|
|
00:07:36,873 --> 00:07:38,208
|
|
-Wow. I'm sorry I'm late.
|
|
-Oh, hey.
|
|
|
|
157
|
|
00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:40,794
|
|
I had to dump out big time. [scoffs]
|
|
|
|
158
|
|
00:07:40,877 --> 00:07:43,296
|
|
Oh, well, that makes two of us.
|
|
|
|
159
|
|
00:07:43,380 --> 00:07:45,006
|
|
Just got here myself.
|
|
|
|
160
|
|
00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:48,843
|
|
Took the liberty of ordering us
|
|
the seafood linguine.
|
|
|
|
161
|
|
00:07:48,927 --> 00:07:53,515
|
|
-Oh. Strong choice. I like that.
|
|
-[chuckles] Uh-huh.
|
|
|
|
162
|
|
00:07:53,598 --> 00:07:55,975
|
|
-Yeah? [chuckles]
|
|
-Yeah, yeah.
|
|
|
|
163
|
|
00:07:57,227 --> 00:07:59,938
|
|
So… Hmm. Mm-mmm.
|
|
|
|
164
|
|
00:08:01,606 --> 00:08:02,816
|
|
What now?
|
|
|
|
165
|
|
00:08:04,359 --> 00:08:06,778
|
|
Ah. Well…
|
|
|
|
166
|
|
00:08:07,862 --> 00:08:11,574
|
|
we could get the linguine to go,
|
|
go back to your place.
|
|
|
|
167
|
|
00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:15,578
|
|
I would say we bang at my place,
|
|
but I don't want you hanging around after.
|
|
|
|
168
|
|
00:08:15,662 --> 00:08:18,790
|
|
-You get it.
|
|
-What makes you think I'm gonna bang you?
|
|
|
|
169
|
|
00:08:18,873 --> 00:08:21,626
|
|
All right,
|
|
we bang after dinner. [stammers]
|
|
|
|
170
|
|
00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:24,003
|
|
-Eh, make love.
|
|
-Hmm.
|
|
|
|
171
|
|
00:08:24,087 --> 00:08:26,923
|
|
Yeah. So what's your deal?
|
|
Were you ever married?
|
|
|
|
172
|
|
00:08:27,882 --> 00:08:28,967
|
|
If you must know.
|
|
|
|
173
|
|
00:08:30,927 --> 00:08:32,178
|
|
[sighs] My husband's dead.
|
|
|
|
174
|
|
00:08:33,012 --> 00:08:34,180
|
|
You knock him off?
|
|
|
|
175
|
|
00:08:34,264 --> 00:08:38,435
|
|
They say he got chomped in two
|
|
by a great white
|
|
|
|
176
|
|
00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:41,187
|
|
while he was snorkeling off
|
|
the coast of Maine.
|
|
|
|
177
|
|
00:08:41,271 --> 00:08:42,939
|
|
Ooh, wicked.
|
|
|
|
178
|
|
00:08:43,022 --> 00:08:46,943
|
|
Personally, I think he was
|
|
smuggling drugs down from Canada,
|
|
|
|
179
|
|
00:08:47,027 --> 00:08:50,071
|
|
got chainsawed by some cartel.
|
|
|
|
180
|
|
00:08:51,322 --> 00:08:52,949
|
|
They only found the bottom half.
|
|
|
|
181
|
|
00:08:54,909 --> 00:08:55,910
|
|
Nasty.
|
|
|
|
182
|
|
00:08:55,994 --> 00:08:58,413
|
|
Mmm. Nasty business.
|
|
|
|
183
|
|
00:08:58,496 --> 00:09:00,040
|
|
Did you keep the dong?
|
|
|
|
184
|
|
00:09:02,917 --> 00:09:04,377
|
|
Of course I did.
|
|
|
|
185
|
|
00:09:05,962 --> 00:09:08,798
|
|
I had it pickled and put in a jar.
|
|
|
|
186
|
|
00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:10,550
|
|
-Yeah.
|
|
-Wow…
|
|
|
|
187
|
|
00:09:13,678 --> 00:09:15,263
|
|
That's what I would have wanted.
|
|
|
|
188
|
|
00:09:15,346 --> 00:09:18,391
|
|
-Hmm.
|
|
-Wow. Beautiful.
|
|
|
|
189
|
|
00:09:19,768 --> 00:09:20,894
|
|
Hmm.
|
|
|
|
190
|
|
00:09:21,770 --> 00:09:23,980
|
|
[Frank] <i>I have to say</i>
|
|
<i>I enjoyed the conversation.</i>
|
|
|
|
191
|
|
00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:26,441
|
|
We talked all night, didn't even bang.
|
|
|
|
192
|
|
00:09:26,524 --> 00:09:29,527
|
|
Which is probably better
|
|
because my cock was chewed to ****.
|
|
|
|
193
|
|
00:09:30,153 --> 00:09:33,114
|
|
So Frank was left with a dilemma.
|
|
Who was he gonna choose?
|
|
|
|
194
|
|
00:09:33,198 --> 00:09:35,325
|
|
And for that he turned to his family.
|
|
|
|
195
|
|
00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:37,327
|
|
But in a bizarre turn of events,
|
|
|
|
196
|
|
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:41,664
|
|
the producers learned that his family
|
|
was not his family at all.
|
|
|
|
197
|
|
00:09:42,540 --> 00:09:45,543
|
|
-He had hired actors to play them.
|
|
-[audience gasp]
|
|
|
|
198
|
|
00:09:45,627 --> 00:09:48,254
|
|
These people are maniacs.
|
|
You don't understand.
|
|
|
|
199
|
|
00:09:48,338 --> 00:09:51,174
|
|
I was afraid they were gonna embarrass me
|
|
on national television.
|
|
|
|
200
|
|
00:09:51,257 --> 00:09:55,720
|
|
So Frank was concerned
|
|
that his real family would embarrass him.
|
|
|
|
201
|
|
00:09:55,804 --> 00:09:57,180
|
|
It was time to go to his hometown:
|
|
|
|
202
|
|
00:09:57,847 --> 00:10:01,017
|
|
<i>Philadelphia.</i>
|
|
<i>The birthplace of our nation.</i>
|
|
|
|
203
|
|
00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:03,061
|
|
Could it be the birthplace of a new love?
|
|
|
|
204
|
|
00:10:03,144 --> 00:10:05,939
|
|
Things were off to a rocky start.
|
|
|
|
205
|
|
00:10:06,022 --> 00:10:10,360
|
|
<i>I was terrified to have Sam</i>
|
|
<i>and Chewy meet the gang.</i>
|
|
|
|
206
|
|
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:12,654
|
|
But I have to admit,
|
|
they played it really cool.
|
|
|
|
207
|
|
00:10:13,905 --> 00:10:15,156
|
|
Well, here we are.
|
|
|
|
208
|
|
00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:19,661
|
|
{\an8}-I'm so excited to see Frank.
|
|
-Oh, I'm just excited to meet the ladies.
|
|
|
|
209
|
|
00:10:19,744 --> 00:10:21,371
|
|
If Frank likes them, I'll like them.
|
|
|
|
210
|
|
00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:25,458
|
|
Wonder where they are. [chuckles]
|
|
|
|
211
|
|
00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:27,127
|
|
I, too, am feeling things.
|
|
|
|
212
|
|
00:10:29,254 --> 00:10:32,257
|
|
Well, speak of the dev…
|
|
[stammers] Uh, speak of Frank.
|
|
|
|
213
|
|
00:10:32,340 --> 00:10:33,424
|
|
[chuckles]
|
|
|
|
214
|
|
00:10:34,259 --> 00:10:36,177
|
|
-Hello.
|
|
-[chuckles] Hi. Hi.
|
|
|
|
215
|
|
00:10:36,261 --> 00:10:39,848
|
|
-[sighs] Well, here we are.
|
|
-[Dee] Uh-huh.
|
|
|
|
216
|
|
00:10:39,931 --> 00:10:41,099
|
|
-Yeah.
|
|
-Oh.
|
|
|
|
217
|
|
00:10:41,182 --> 00:10:43,059
|
|
I was really nervous
|
|
that you guys were gonna be mad
|
|
|
|
218
|
|
00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:44,602
|
|
about the whole fake family thing.
|
|
|
|
219
|
|
00:10:44,686 --> 00:10:46,271
|
|
-Oh. [chuckles]
|
|
-[blows raspberry, sighs]
|
|
|
|
220
|
|
00:10:46,354 --> 00:10:49,315
|
|
-Frank, forget it, huh?
|
|
-Oh, no. Please, we get it.
|
|
|
|
221
|
|
00:10:49,399 --> 00:10:50,692
|
|
-I don't care.
|
|
-You were nervous.
|
|
|
|
222
|
|
00:10:50,775 --> 00:10:51,860
|
|
-Yeah.
|
|
-I'm passed that.
|
|
|
|
223
|
|
00:10:51,943 --> 00:10:55,905
|
|
Yeah, I want you to know how happy we are
|
|
for both of you and for Frank.
|
|
|
|
224
|
|
00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:57,824
|
|
-Well, thank you.
|
|
-We just want what's best for everyone.
|
|
|
|
225
|
|
00:10:57,907 --> 00:10:58,908
|
|
-[Dee] That's right.
|
|
-Yeah, yeah.
|
|
|
|
226
|
|
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:01,744
|
|
Uh, Frank, should we take your dates
|
|
and get to know them a little better?
|
|
|
|
227
|
|
00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:03,580
|
|
Oh.
|
|
|
|
228
|
|
00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:07,417
|
|
-Okay. Uh, all right. Play nice.
|
|
-[chuckles]
|
|
|
|
229
|
|
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:08,501
|
|
[chuckles] Play nice.
|
|
|
|
230
|
|
00:11:08,585 --> 00:11:11,129
|
|
-[laughs] Well, we always play nice.
|
|
-He's a funny guy, right?
|
|
|
|
231
|
|
00:11:11,212 --> 00:11:12,714
|
|
-He's so funny.
|
|
-A joker.
|
|
|
|
232
|
|
00:11:12,797 --> 00:11:16,092
|
|
Okay, listen, bitch.
|
|
You are not getting the money.
|
|
|
|
233
|
|
00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:17,385
|
|
Yeah, you're too old to have a baby.
|
|
|
|
234
|
|
00:11:17,468 --> 00:11:19,512
|
|
And if you try and adopt, so help me God,
|
|
|
|
235
|
|
00:11:19,596 --> 00:11:21,681
|
|
we will snuff that thing out
|
|
like a cigarillo.
|
|
|
|
236
|
|
00:11:21,764 --> 00:11:23,975
|
|
-Hmm.
|
|
-[whispers] You're on television.
|
|
|
|
237
|
|
00:11:24,058 --> 00:11:26,102
|
|
-[scoffs, chuckles]
|
|
-Please.
|
|
|
|
238
|
|
00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:27,937
|
|
I think we all know
|
|
Disney's never gonna air this.
|
|
|
|
239
|
|
00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:29,856
|
|
-No, but you will have heard it.
|
|
-[Sam] What?
|
|
|
|
240
|
|
00:11:29,939 --> 00:11:31,566
|
|
So listen to me and listen good.
|
|
|
|
241
|
|
00:11:32,275 --> 00:11:35,778
|
|
You are not getting our money.
|
|
|
|
242
|
|
00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:39,032
|
|
I have my own money.
|
|
|
|
243
|
|
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:41,701
|
|
You do?
|
|
|
|
244
|
|
00:11:42,785 --> 00:11:43,786
|
|
Explain yourself.
|
|
|
|
245
|
|
00:11:44,370 --> 00:11:48,374
|
|
I got chicken money and plenty of it too.
|
|
|
|
246
|
|
00:11:48,458 --> 00:11:51,419
|
|
So whatever Frank's got,
|
|
he can just keep it.
|
|
|
|
247
|
|
00:11:51,502 --> 00:11:54,088
|
|
I made my own fortune
|
|
on the backs of others.
|
|
|
|
248
|
|
00:11:54,172 --> 00:11:57,717
|
|
I don't need to be pulling it out
|
|
of an old man's pocket.
|
|
|
|
249
|
|
00:11:58,509 --> 00:12:00,428
|
|
-Chicken money.
|
|
-Chicken money, huh?
|
|
|
|
250
|
|
00:12:01,596 --> 00:12:03,598
|
|
The chicken money comment
|
|
was a bit of a relief, you know?
|
|
|
|
251
|
|
00:12:03,681 --> 00:12:05,475
|
|
-Not that I trust her.
|
|
-Well, no, that's true.
|
|
|
|
252
|
|
00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:07,060
|
|
We're not really
|
|
the trusting kind, you know?
|
|
|
|
253
|
|
00:12:07,143 --> 00:12:09,479
|
|
But if she does have this so-called
|
|
"chicken money",
|
|
|
|
254
|
|
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:11,147
|
|
then we wouldn't mind, uh…
|
|
|
|
255
|
|
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:13,316
|
|
[smacks lips] Wetting our beaks.
|
|
|
|
256
|
|
00:12:15,318 --> 00:12:17,237
|
|
Did you see that? I didn't have to say it.
|
|
|
|
257
|
|
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:18,529
|
|
She-She walked right into it.
|
|
|
|
258
|
|
00:12:20,657 --> 00:12:21,658
|
|
Dee's a bird.
|
|
|
|
259
|
|
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:31,960
|
|
[Mac] Uh… [stammers] …Chewy.
|
|
May I call you Chewy?
|
|
|
|
260
|
|
00:12:32,043 --> 00:12:34,045
|
|
-Yeah.
|
|
-Chewy, we are a vibe.
|
|
|
|
261
|
|
00:12:34,128 --> 00:12:35,672
|
|
And we need to know
|
|
how you're gonna fit in.
|
|
|
|
262
|
|
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:38,508
|
|
You know, I think it's important
|
|
that whoever we bring into the fold
|
|
|
|
263
|
|
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:39,592
|
|
fits with our dynamic.
|
|
|
|
264
|
|
00:12:39,676 --> 00:12:42,387
|
|
Oh, I love the gays.
|
|
I'll chew on that thang.
|
|
|
|
265
|
|
00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:45,348
|
|
That doesn't make any sense.
|
|
Moreover, it sickens me.
|
|
|
|
266
|
|
00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:47,141
|
|
[stammers] What is this?
|
|
How is this gonna work?
|
|
|
|
267
|
|
00:12:47,225 --> 00:12:49,143
|
|
Like, there's no room
|
|
for you on my couch, man.
|
|
|
|
268
|
|
00:12:49,227 --> 00:12:51,646
|
|
-There's just not.
|
|
-Okay. Well, we have to pick one, Charlie.
|
|
|
|
269
|
|
00:12:51,729 --> 00:12:54,983
|
|
I don't want to pick one.
|
|
I don't understand why Frank did this.
|
|
|
|
270
|
|
00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:56,734
|
|
If he was unhappy,
|
|
why didn't he come to me?
|
|
|
|
271
|
|
00:12:57,443 --> 00:13:00,363
|
|
You ruined this, okay? I need it
|
|
to go back to the way that it was.
|
|
|
|
272
|
|
00:13:00,446 --> 00:13:01,948
|
|
Well, he's not gonna
|
|
just chew on that thang.
|
|
|
|
273
|
|
00:13:02,031 --> 00:13:03,950
|
|
-Whatever y'all want.
|
|
-[sighs, stammers] What does that mean?
|
|
|
|
274
|
|
00:13:04,033 --> 00:13:05,326
|
|
Why does she keep saying it?
|
|
|
|
275
|
|
00:13:05,410 --> 00:13:07,453
|
|
-[gnawing]
|
|
-I'd seen all I needed to see.
|
|
|
|
276
|
|
00:13:07,537 --> 00:13:09,247
|
|
I mean, we-we couldn't run the risk of
|
|
one of these women
|
|
|
|
277
|
|
00:13:09,330 --> 00:13:11,541
|
|
becoming a major player
|
|
in our lives. [sighs]
|
|
|
|
278
|
|
00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:13,543
|
|
We need to bring in
|
|
someone Frank might go for,
|
|
|
|
279
|
|
00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:15,920
|
|
but who we know we can control. [sighs]
|
|
|
|
280
|
|
00:13:16,004 --> 00:13:20,675
|
|
A woman with no personal ambitions
|
|
but who Frank could also bang.
|
|
|
|
281
|
|
00:13:20,758 --> 00:13:22,635
|
|
-[glass clinks]
|
|
-Guys, I believe I have the first line.
|
|
|
|
282
|
|
00:13:22,719 --> 00:13:24,846
|
|
-Uh, announcement.
|
|
-Announce. Just an announcement.
|
|
|
|
283
|
|
00:13:24,929 --> 00:13:26,306
|
|
-It's just a natural conversation.
|
|
-Yes.
|
|
|
|
284
|
|
00:13:26,389 --> 00:13:29,058
|
|
-He just has to talk first.
|
|
-Welcome to Mac and Dennis's apartment.
|
|
|
|
285
|
|
00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:30,935
|
|
-Well, you're Mac.
|
|
-I'm Mac.
|
|
|
|
286
|
|
00:13:31,019 --> 00:13:32,145
|
|
-Well, he's just welcoming.
|
|
-Yeah.
|
|
|
|
287
|
|
00:13:32,228 --> 00:13:33,980
|
|
This is Dennis, and this is our apartment.
|
|
|
|
288
|
|
00:13:34,063 --> 00:13:36,065
|
|
-Yes.
|
|
-And we do a lot of hosting.
|
|
|
|
289
|
|
00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:38,318
|
|
-That's right.
|
|
-And we are not a couple.
|
|
|
|
290
|
|
00:13:38,401 --> 00:13:42,238
|
|
-No.
|
|
-But our living arrangement is
|
|
|
|
291
|
|
00:13:42,321 --> 00:13:43,990
|
|
-perfectly age appropriate.
|
|
-[Charlie Kelly] But he is gay.
|
|
|
|
292
|
|
00:13:44,073 --> 00:13:45,575
|
|
-Well, he is gay.
|
|
-Well… [grunts] …Goddamn it.
|
|
|
|
293
|
|
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:47,160
|
|
And I am gay.
|
|
|
|
294
|
|
00:13:47,243 --> 00:13:50,038
|
|
Uh, I believe I may have snapped at Dennis
|
|
and hit him a little bit…
|
|
|
|
295
|
|
00:13:50,121 --> 00:13:51,748
|
|
-Yeah, a little bit too hard.
|
|
-…too hard.
|
|
|
|
296
|
|
00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:54,083
|
|
And also the fact that you're gay
|
|
is inconsequential because…
|
|
|
|
297
|
|
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:55,418
|
|
-It's playful.
|
|
-Yes.
|
|
|
|
298
|
|
00:13:55,501 --> 00:13:57,712
|
|
…that's gonna make it sound like
|
|
maybe I'm not.
|
|
|
|
299
|
|
00:13:57,795 --> 00:14:00,298
|
|
-[laughs] Chew on that thang.
|
|
-What?
|
|
|
|
300
|
|
00:14:01,299 --> 00:14:04,719
|
|
-She's not supposed to say that, right?
|
|
-Is that it? That's all she can say?
|
|
|
|
301
|
|
00:14:04,802 --> 00:14:06,304
|
|
-The vocab is limited.
|
|
-Good.
|
|
|
|
302
|
|
00:14:06,387 --> 00:14:07,805
|
|
-Yeah.
|
|
-I'ma barf on it.
|
|
|
|
303
|
|
00:14:08,556 --> 00:14:09,766
|
|
-What?
|
|
-What?
|
|
|
|
304
|
|
00:14:10,266 --> 00:14:11,267
|
|
[Mac] That's not your line.
|
|
|
|
305
|
|
00:14:11,350 --> 00:14:13,061
|
|
-What are you… What are you doing?
|
|
-[Sam] What is she…
|
|
|
|
306
|
|
00:14:13,144 --> 00:14:15,271
|
|
Ah. It's kind of a catchphrase that I do,
|
|
you know what I mean?
|
|
|
|
307
|
|
00:14:15,354 --> 00:14:18,149
|
|
-She's kidding. You're kidding.
|
|
-Barf on that thing, y'all.
|
|
|
|
308
|
|
00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:20,151
|
|
-[laughs] That's playful.
|
|
-[Sam] Oh, no.
|
|
|
|
309
|
|
00:14:20,234 --> 00:14:21,778
|
|
-Well, no, no, no.
|
|
-[coughing]
|
|
|
|
310
|
|
00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:23,738
|
|
Should I have a catchphrase?
|
|
I don't approve of this union.
|
|
|
|
311
|
|
00:14:23,821 --> 00:14:25,323
|
|
Let's keep this evening about Frank, okay?
|
|
|
|
312
|
|
00:14:25,406 --> 00:14:27,992
|
|
And not have… We don't have…
|
|
Nobody has any catchphrases.
|
|
|
|
313
|
|
00:14:28,076 --> 00:14:31,412
|
|
We-we're just…
|
|
Uh, I'm gonna raise a toast… Um…
|
|
|
|
314
|
|
00:14:31,496 --> 00:14:35,500
|
|
to these two wonderful women
|
|
and to an impossible choice.
|
|
|
|
315
|
|
00:14:35,583 --> 00:14:36,751
|
|
-Yeah.
|
|
-Oh.
|
|
|
|
316
|
|
00:14:36,834 --> 00:14:38,336
|
|
-[knocks on door]
|
|
-Oh.
|
|
|
|
317
|
|
00:14:38,419 --> 00:14:40,755
|
|
-My, my. Who could that be?
|
|
-Oh. What's this?
|
|
|
|
318
|
|
00:14:42,173 --> 00:14:43,174
|
|
Goddamn it.
|
|
|
|
319
|
|
00:14:44,467 --> 00:14:45,510
|
|
[sighs]
|
|
|
|
320
|
|
00:14:48,429 --> 00:14:50,098
|
|
Hey… Oh, Miss… Ms. Kelly.
|
|
|
|
321
|
|
00:14:50,181 --> 00:14:53,101
|
|
{\an8}-Mom.
|
|
-My God. Well, what brings you here?
|
|
|
|
322
|
|
00:14:53,184 --> 00:14:57,188
|
|
{\an8}To be a slut and to marry Frank.
|
|
|
|
323
|
|
00:14:57,271 --> 00:14:58,356
|
|
That was…
|
|
|
|
324
|
|
00:14:58,439 --> 00:15:00,191
|
|
-Oh.
|
|
-[laughing]
|
|
|
|
325
|
|
00:15:01,442 --> 00:15:03,653
|
|
Really? Oh, good.
|
|
Dennis, did you put her up to this?
|
|
|
|
326
|
|
00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:05,154
|
|
What do you mean? She just came over.
|
|
|
|
327
|
|
00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:07,573
|
|
Already I have to deal
|
|
with two sluts and now a third?
|
|
|
|
328
|
|
00:15:07,657 --> 00:15:09,826
|
|
-[grunts, coughs]
|
|
-Start over, Mac! Start over.
|
|
|
|
329
|
|
00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:12,870
|
|
-[screaming]
|
|
-[objects clattering]
|
|
|
|
330
|
|
00:15:18,292 --> 00:15:19,627
|
|
**** yeah!
|
|
|
|
331
|
|
00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:24,966
|
|
[audience cheering]
|
|
|
|
332
|
|
00:15:30,054 --> 00:15:33,683
|
|
Now the stakes were even higher
|
|
with a third woman in the mix,
|
|
|
|
333
|
|
00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:35,059
|
|
but luckily for Frank,
|
|
|
|
334
|
|
00:15:35,143 --> 00:15:38,187
|
|
he'd have the fantasy suites
|
|
to help him make up his mind.
|
|
|
|
335
|
|
00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:41,816
|
|
<i>This was the hardest decision of my life.</i>
|
|
<i>What's the order?</i>
|
|
|
|
336
|
|
00:15:41,899 --> 00:15:46,571
|
|
Do I go Chewy first and work my way
|
|
to Bonnie through Sam?
|
|
|
|
337
|
|
00:15:46,654 --> 00:15:50,491
|
|
Or do I run the risk of being gnawed
|
|
to a stump and have to heal?
|
|
|
|
338
|
|
00:15:50,575 --> 00:15:52,493
|
|
I was feeling so many things.
|
|
|
|
339
|
|
00:15:52,994 --> 00:15:55,413
|
|
And then, I had an idea.
|
|
|
|
340
|
|
00:15:55,496 --> 00:15:58,833
|
|
Frank, there is no way
|
|
Disney is ever gonna go with that.
|
|
|
|
341
|
|
00:15:58,916 --> 00:16:00,042
|
|
It's what I want.
|
|
|
|
342
|
|
00:16:00,126 --> 00:16:01,961
|
|
No, Frank, we have to stagger them.
|
|
|
|
343
|
|
00:16:02,044 --> 00:16:04,630
|
|
[Frank] I'll handle that
|
|
once we're in the middle of it.
|
|
|
|
344
|
|
00:16:04,714 --> 00:16:05,923
|
|
Look, you wanna join us?
|
|
|
|
345
|
|
00:16:06,007 --> 00:16:09,385
|
|
I don't love it,
|
|
but no eye contact and we're good.
|
|
|
|
346
|
|
00:16:09,468 --> 00:16:11,137
|
|
All right. Let's go ahead. Let's go.
|
|
|
|
347
|
|
00:16:11,220 --> 00:16:13,639
|
|
Ha! Let's go, ladies.
|
|
|
|
348
|
|
00:16:14,473 --> 00:16:17,268
|
|
We're gonna do kind of a group situation.
|
|
|
|
349
|
|
00:16:17,351 --> 00:16:20,271
|
|
Why don't you just come this way?
|
|
|
|
350
|
|
00:16:20,354 --> 00:16:22,148
|
|
-There you go. There you go.
|
|
-Yeah.
|
|
|
|
351
|
|
00:16:22,231 --> 00:16:24,400
|
|
-O-Okay, listen to me, Frank.
|
|
-Hey.
|
|
|
|
352
|
|
00:16:24,483 --> 00:16:25,776
|
|
I'm no prude, right?
|
|
|
|
353
|
|
00:16:25,860 --> 00:16:28,154
|
|
I mean, I was in the navy, right?
|
|
|
|
354
|
|
00:16:28,237 --> 00:16:31,365
|
|
I took a whole destroyer
|
|
full of torpedoes, you know?
|
|
|
|
355
|
|
00:16:31,449 --> 00:16:33,242
|
|
[chuckles] That's pretty funny, Sam.
|
|
|
|
356
|
|
00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:34,911
|
|
Yeah, but here's the thing:
|
|
|
|
357
|
|
00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:38,331
|
|
I feel like I'm ready to settle down
|
|
and, you know… [laughs]
|
|
|
|
358
|
|
00:16:38,414 --> 00:16:43,127
|
|
-…I got feelings for-for-for you, Frank.
|
|
-You do?
|
|
|
|
359
|
|
00:16:43,211 --> 00:16:45,713
|
|
Yeah, you know. Ain't that something.
|
|
|
|
360
|
|
00:16:45,796 --> 00:16:47,924
|
|
I-I gotta tell you a little story, right?
|
|
|
|
361
|
|
00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:50,259
|
|
Well, I'm kind of on the clock here,
|
|
you know?
|
|
|
|
362
|
|
00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:51,469
|
|
Yeah, okay.
|
|
|
|
363
|
|
00:16:52,511 --> 00:16:54,138
|
|
When I was a little girl,
|
|
|
|
364
|
|
00:16:54,222 --> 00:16:57,808
|
|
I shortened my name to Sam
|
|
and I told everybody,
|
|
|
|
365
|
|
00:16:57,892 --> 00:17:00,019
|
|
"Ooh, I-I really liked that
|
|
so much better,"
|
|
|
|
366
|
|
00:17:00,770 --> 00:17:02,355
|
|
but I didn't.
|
|
|
|
367
|
|
00:17:03,272 --> 00:17:09,278
|
|
I-I just thought that… Samantha,
|
|
that's-that's too long for anybody to say.
|
|
|
|
368
|
|
00:17:09,946 --> 00:17:14,492
|
|
So-So I changed my name, Frank,
|
|
because I thought
|
|
|
|
369
|
|
00:17:14,575 --> 00:17:18,746
|
|
that nobody would care enough
|
|
to take the time to say the whole thing.
|
|
|
|
370
|
|
00:17:18,829 --> 00:17:22,124
|
|
Oh, my God. Stupid, huh? [laughs]
|
|
|
|
371
|
|
00:17:22,625 --> 00:17:27,838
|
|
-Well, you were a kid. [stammers]
|
|
-I lived my whole life that way.
|
|
|
|
372
|
|
00:17:28,839 --> 00:17:33,177
|
|
And when I was busy pretending
|
|
to be somebody that I wasn't,
|
|
|
|
373
|
|
00:17:34,929 --> 00:17:40,434
|
|
you were living your life
|
|
being exactly who you are.
|
|
|
|
374
|
|
00:17:44,772 --> 00:17:46,983
|
|
I just love that about you, Frank.
|
|
|
|
375
|
|
00:17:49,193 --> 00:17:53,072
|
|
And I kind of thought
|
|
it was too late for me, but then,
|
|
|
|
376
|
|
00:17:54,532 --> 00:17:58,703
|
|
you've shown me that it's never too late
|
|
|
|
377
|
|
00:17:59,704 --> 00:18:00,997
|
|
to find your heart.
|
|
|
|
378
|
|
00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:03,541
|
|
And your voice.
|
|
|
|
379
|
|
00:18:04,292 --> 00:18:05,376
|
|
And your name.
|
|
|
|
380
|
|
00:18:09,505 --> 00:18:12,133
|
|
I think I'm falling in love
|
|
with you, Frank.
|
|
|
|
381
|
|
00:18:13,050 --> 00:18:15,386
|
|
Yeah, I-I don't want to ruin that.
|
|
|
|
382
|
|
00:18:16,137 --> 00:18:18,681
|
|
So, you know, I'm not going in there.
|
|
|
|
383
|
|
00:18:19,765 --> 00:18:21,058
|
|
I'm-I'm gonna go.
|
|
|
|
384
|
|
00:18:30,651 --> 00:18:32,820
|
|
[Jesse] <i>Sam had struck a chord.</i>
|
|
|
|
385
|
|
00:18:32,903 --> 00:18:35,740
|
|
And now Frank had an even
|
|
tougher decision to make.
|
|
|
|
386
|
|
00:18:35,823 --> 00:18:37,867
|
|
Just what was he going to do?
|
|
|
|
387
|
|
00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:40,286
|
|
<i>Yeah, I mean, </i>
|
|
<i>I took a shot, right? </i>[chuckles]
|
|
|
|
388
|
|
00:18:40,369 --> 00:18:44,498
|
|
<i>And I-I think he's feeling</i>
|
|
<i>the same things I am.</i>
|
|
|
|
389
|
|
00:18:44,582 --> 00:18:46,959
|
|
-At least, I hope so, right? [laughs]
|
|
-[knocks on door]
|
|
|
|
390
|
|
00:18:47,835 --> 00:18:48,836
|
|
[Sam] Yeah.
|
|
|
|
391
|
|
00:18:54,759 --> 00:18:55,760
|
|
[crew member] What's it say?
|
|
|
|
392
|
|
00:19:04,602 --> 00:19:07,438
|
|
Look, as much as Dennis
|
|
wanted Frank to pick Bonnie,
|
|
|
|
393
|
|
00:19:07,521 --> 00:19:10,149
|
|
we all knew he was gonna go
|
|
with the 20-year-old, so…
|
|
|
|
394
|
|
00:19:10,900 --> 00:19:13,069
|
|
I devised that prank
|
|
to make sure she was cool.
|
|
|
|
395
|
|
00:19:13,694 --> 00:19:16,238
|
|
The prank is this,
|
|
when they fly us out there, we set off
|
|
|
|
396
|
|
00:19:16,322 --> 00:19:19,617
|
|
one of those elephant toothpaste bombs
|
|
in the mansion. [chuckles]
|
|
|
|
397
|
|
00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:21,369
|
|
And then, if she likes it, she's in.
|
|
|
|
398
|
|
00:19:21,452 --> 00:19:22,787
|
|
-[stammers] What the hell is that?
|
|
-What is that?
|
|
|
|
399
|
|
00:19:22,870 --> 00:19:24,747
|
|
Oh. It's-It's like a chemical reaction.
|
|
Check it out.
|
|
|
|
400
|
|
00:19:28,334 --> 00:19:29,710
|
|
-Cool, huh?
|
|
-[Dennis] Oh. Yeah.
|
|
|
|
401
|
|
00:19:29,794 --> 00:19:32,213
|
|
This is a good idea though, Mac.
|
|
I could work with this.
|
|
|
|
402
|
|
00:19:32,296 --> 00:19:33,798
|
|
-Yeah, that's gonna be fun.
|
|
-Okay.
|
|
|
|
403
|
|
00:19:33,881 --> 00:19:37,593
|
|
So Frank was concerned
|
|
that his real family would embarrass him.
|
|
|
|
404
|
|
00:19:38,094 --> 00:19:40,221
|
|
Well, we've got them here with us tonight.
|
|
|
|
405
|
|
00:19:40,763 --> 00:19:42,056
|
|
How do you guys feel about that?
|
|
|
|
406
|
|
00:19:43,724 --> 00:19:44,725
|
|
[audience scream, gasp]
|
|
|
|
407
|
|
00:19:44,809 --> 00:19:45,810
|
|
Well…
|
|
|
|
408
|
|
00:19:45,893 --> 00:19:51,982
|
|
The situation… [strains, gasps] …under
|
|
the circumstances is quite understandable.
|
|
|
|
409
|
|
00:19:52,066 --> 00:19:57,780
|
|
Our appearance may seem gruesome,
|
|
but all can be quite easily explained.
|
|
|
|
410
|
|
00:19:57,863 --> 00:19:58,989
|
|
[straining] Oh. Indeed.
|
|
|
|
411
|
|
00:19:59,073 --> 00:20:00,408
|
|
-[Charlie Kelly] Yeah.
|
|
-Indeed.
|
|
|
|
412
|
|
00:20:00,491 --> 00:20:04,537
|
|
As you can tell,
|
|
our voices have also been affected,
|
|
|
|
413
|
|
00:20:04,620 --> 00:20:07,707
|
|
creating an unintentionally sinister tone.
|
|
|
|
414
|
|
00:20:07,790 --> 00:20:10,501
|
|
-So, where did things go wrong, guys?
|
|
-Well…
|
|
|
|
415
|
|
00:20:10,584 --> 00:20:12,420
|
|
[straining] There seems
|
|
to have been a miscalculation.
|
|
|
|
416
|
|
00:20:12,503 --> 00:20:15,005
|
|
-Our hubris got the best of us.
|
|
-Nonsense.
|
|
|
|
417
|
|
00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:20,928
|
|
There was no mix-up in the laboratory,
|
|
no… [gasps] …neglect of the pH balance.
|
|
|
|
418
|
|
00:20:21,011 --> 00:20:23,305
|
|
It was my jealousy of these women
|
|
|
|
419
|
|
00:20:23,389 --> 00:20:26,851
|
|
that drove me
|
|
to surreptitiously add 20 gallons
|
|
|
|
420
|
|
00:20:26,934 --> 00:20:30,896
|
|
-of Nair hair removal into the concoction.
|
|
-[audience gasp]
|
|
|
|
421
|
|
00:20:31,522 --> 00:20:32,523
|
|
Wait, wait, you did what?
|
|
|
|
422
|
|
00:20:33,315 --> 00:20:38,529
|
|
<i>You wear short shorts</i>
|
|
<i>If you dare wear short shorts, Nair for--</i>
|
|
|
|
423
|
|
00:20:38,612 --> 00:20:40,030
|
|
Yeah, we know the product.
|
|
|
|
424
|
|
00:20:40,114 --> 00:20:41,240
|
|
You're familiar with it?
|
|
|
|
425
|
|
00:20:41,323 --> 00:20:42,700
|
|
Do you guys know the song?
|
|
|
|
426
|
|
00:20:42,783 --> 00:20:44,660
|
|
-Yes, we know the goddamn song.
|
|
-Yes.
|
|
|
|
427
|
|
00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:45,953
|
|
Uh. Okay, okay, okay, that's just…
|
|
|
|
428
|
|
00:20:46,036 --> 00:20:47,913
|
|
We're gonna stop right there.
|
|
|
|
429
|
|
00:20:47,997 --> 00:20:50,332
|
|
Uh. So with no help
|
|
from his family whatsoever,
|
|
|
|
430
|
|
00:20:50,416 --> 00:20:53,586
|
|
Frank is now left with the most
|
|
important choice of his entire life.
|
|
|
|
431
|
|
00:20:53,669 --> 00:20:57,673
|
|
And on that final night he had
|
|
to make that choice alone.
|
|
|
|
432
|
|
00:21:00,384 --> 00:21:01,385
|
|
Ooh.
|
|
|
|
433
|
|
00:21:03,429 --> 00:21:05,055
|
|
Frank, it's the final rose.
|
|
|
|
434
|
|
00:21:05,139 --> 00:21:08,017
|
|
This is it. So who will you choose?
|
|
|
|
435
|
|
00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:10,102
|
|
Will it be Bonnie or Sara?
|
|
|
|
436
|
|
00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:12,938
|
|
Who the hell is Sara?
|
|
|
|
437
|
|
00:21:13,564 --> 00:21:16,358
|
|
You actually thought that the woman's
|
|
birth name was Cock Chewa?
|
|
|
|
438
|
|
00:21:16,442 --> 00:21:19,111
|
|
Oh. Never gave it much thought.
|
|
|
|
439
|
|
00:21:19,195 --> 00:21:20,654
|
|
America is waiting.
|
|
|
|
440
|
|
00:21:21,405 --> 00:21:24,116
|
|
Frank, who are you gonna give it to?
|
|
|
|
441
|
|
00:21:26,869 --> 00:21:32,124
|
|
Well, Bonnie, you are a dirty, dirty slut.
|
|
|
|
442
|
|
00:21:32,875 --> 00:21:34,335
|
|
Thank you, Frank.
|
|
|
|
443
|
|
00:21:34,418 --> 00:21:35,503
|
|
And you're old as hell.
|
|
|
|
444
|
|
00:21:36,045 --> 00:21:41,050
|
|
But-But I gotta be honest,
|
|
you bone me up like nobody else.
|
|
|
|
445
|
|
00:21:41,550 --> 00:21:44,136
|
|
So it's really hard not to choose you.
|
|
|
|
446
|
|
00:21:47,723 --> 00:21:51,560
|
|
Chewy, I gotta be honest,
|
|
I don't like the teeth.
|
|
|
|
447
|
|
00:21:51,644 --> 00:21:56,315
|
|
I-I never understood the chewing thing.
|
|
I mean, people like that?
|
|
|
|
448
|
|
00:21:56,398 --> 00:21:57,775
|
|
Chew on that thang?
|
|
|
|
449
|
|
00:21:57,858 --> 00:22:01,111
|
|
It's weird as hell.
|
|
It hurts, your chomping on it.
|
|
|
|
450
|
|
00:22:01,195 --> 00:22:04,031
|
|
-I mean, it's like… [gnaws]
|
|
-[gnawing]
|
|
|
|
451
|
|
00:22:04,114 --> 00:22:06,951
|
|
You go deep, deep, deep.
|
|
[gnaws] The bottom? Oh.
|
|
|
|
452
|
|
00:22:07,034 --> 00:22:09,537
|
|
I may never recover from that. [sighs]
|
|
|
|
453
|
|
00:22:10,704 --> 00:22:11,789
|
|
But I gotta say,
|
|
|
|
454
|
|
00:22:13,123 --> 00:22:17,211
|
|
you are so goddamn hot.
|
|
|
|
455
|
|
00:22:17,294 --> 00:22:19,463
|
|
It is hard not to choose you.
|
|
|
|
456
|
|
00:22:20,673 --> 00:22:22,049
|
|
I gotta make a decision.
|
|
|
|
457
|
|
00:22:26,804 --> 00:22:28,055
|
|
I gotta make a decision.
|
|
|
|
458
|
|
00:22:31,517 --> 00:22:32,518
|
|
And…
|
|
|
|
459
|
|
00:22:34,019 --> 00:22:35,229
|
|
my decision is…
|
|
|
|
460
|
|
00:22:42,069 --> 00:22:43,070
|
|
[Frank] Sam!
|
|
|
|
461
|
|
00:22:44,113 --> 00:22:46,448
|
|
Sam! Sam, where are you?
|
|
|
|
462
|
|
00:22:48,284 --> 00:22:49,285
|
|
Sam!
|
|
|
|
463
|
|
00:22:50,411 --> 00:22:51,412
|
|
Sam!
|
|
|
|
464
|
|
00:22:53,581 --> 00:22:54,874
|
|
Sam!
|
|
|
|
465
|
|
00:22:57,376 --> 00:23:00,796
|
|
Samantha! Samantha!
|
|
|
|
466
|
|
00:23:01,714 --> 00:23:02,715
|
|
[Sam] Frank.
|
|
|
|
467
|
|
00:23:03,465 --> 00:23:05,175
|
|
-Frank.
|
|
-Saman… Oh.
|
|
|
|
468
|
|
00:23:05,676 --> 00:23:07,553
|
|
Samantha, don't get on that bus.
|
|
|
|
469
|
|
00:23:07,636 --> 00:23:09,263
|
|
I'm a jerk. I'm an idiot.
|
|
|
|
470
|
|
00:23:09,346 --> 00:23:11,515
|
|
But most of all I'm a coward.
|
|
|
|
471
|
|
00:23:11,599 --> 00:23:14,977
|
|
I-I didn't let you go
|
|
because I didn't like you.
|
|
|
|
472
|
|
00:23:15,728 --> 00:23:18,898
|
|
I-I got rid of you
|
|
because I like you too much
|
|
|
|
473
|
|
00:23:18,981 --> 00:23:20,983
|
|
and it scared the shit out of me.
|
|
|
|
474
|
|
00:23:21,650 --> 00:23:23,235
|
|
I'm just like you, Samantha.
|
|
|
|
475
|
|
00:23:24,111 --> 00:23:26,447
|
|
But together we don't have to be afraid.
|
|
|
|
476
|
|
00:23:28,324 --> 00:23:31,243
|
|
Would you accept this rose and be my wife?
|
|
|
|
477
|
|
00:23:37,124 --> 00:23:38,125
|
|
Frank,
|
|
|
|
478
|
|
00:23:39,001 --> 00:23:40,002
|
|
I will.
|
|
|
|
479
|
|
00:23:44,048 --> 00:23:45,049
|
|
[chuckles]
|
|
|
|
480
|
|
00:23:57,019 --> 00:23:58,562
|
|
[Ms. Kelly] <i>Be strong, Bonnie.</i>
|
|
|
|
481
|
|
00:23:58,646 --> 00:24:01,982
|
|
Be strong for your little gingerbread man.
|
|
|
|
482
|
|
00:24:02,066 --> 00:24:03,567
|
|
-Bonnie?
|
|
-[chuckles]
|
|
|
|
483
|
|
00:24:03,651 --> 00:24:04,860
|
|
How do you guys know each other?
|
|
|
|
484
|
|
00:24:06,403 --> 00:24:07,655
|
|
-This is my date.
|
|
-Yeah.
|
|
|
|
485
|
|
00:24:07,738 --> 00:24:10,699
|
|
One. Two. Three. [sighs]
|
|
|
|
486
|
|
00:24:10,783 --> 00:24:13,661
|
|
-Why are you doing everything in threes?
|
|
-So Charlie doesn't die.
|
|
|
|
487
|
|
00:24:13,744 --> 00:24:14,995
|
|
Show us on the doll.
|
|
|
|
488
|
|
00:24:15,079 --> 00:24:16,121
|
|
Show you what?
|
|
|
|
489
|
|
00:24:16,205 --> 00:24:17,706
|
|
Where he touched you.
|
|
|
|
490
|
|
00:24:17,790 --> 00:24:19,375
|
|
I don't want a dog
|
|
to eat my face, Charlie.
|
|
|
|
491
|
|
00:24:19,458 --> 00:24:21,043
|
|
She doesn't want a dog eating her face.
|
|
|
|
492
|
|
00:24:21,126 --> 00:24:22,920
|
|
Oh. Sorry.
|
|
|
|
493
|
|
00:24:23,003 --> 00:24:24,004
|
|
You!
|
|
|
|
494
|
|
00:24:24,088 --> 00:24:26,006
|
|
-[Charlie Kelly chuckles] Hey.
|
|
-Merry Christmas.
|
|
|
|
495
|
|
00:24:26,090 --> 00:24:27,841
|
|
-I'm so excited. It's almost Christmas!
|
|
-I'm so excited!
|
|
|
|
496
|
|
00:24:27,925 --> 00:24:31,887
|
|
I'll be in the kitchen making
|
|
gingerbread men for my gingerbread boy.
|
|
|